I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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