Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize