Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
