Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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