Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize