how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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