I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
