The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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