brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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