You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize