gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
