I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
