i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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