i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
