pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
