his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
