so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
