i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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