I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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