I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
