I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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