You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I supernannyed him into submission
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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