READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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