Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
