I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
