So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
