dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
