Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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