wakey wakey hands off snakey
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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