I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
