Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
