i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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