I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
