You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
