so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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