I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
