my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize