hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i love accidental penises.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
