Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did i just pee glitter
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
