I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
