What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
