that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dick very happy bro
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
