We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if i died would you start the facebook group?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
