The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
