That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
