You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
