She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
