I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
