I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize