New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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