i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
