im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
