don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
