I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
