she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize