Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
