i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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