3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
