I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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