It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We got so high we made milksteak
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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