This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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