I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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