i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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