I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
