when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So much rum. So many feels.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
