I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
