Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
