i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
