Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
